Petite? Up yours.

See, I already knew that every inch of a person's height corresponds to around $789 of additional earning per year. Controlled for gender, weight, and age, on average, a 6-foot tall dude makes $5,525 more annually than someone that's my height (5'6"). Fine. I get it. There aren't really any short Presidents anymore, either.

Now? Now I found out that tall people are, on average, happier than petite people. And have higher levels of education. The researchers even checked for different demographics and ethnic divisions, but naw, it's height.

Well, eff all y'all. While it is clearly true that I'm poor and miserable, I can easily grab that middle seat on the F train and fly coach without sucking on my kneecaps. So suck it, tall dudes. If you all look down, I'll be the tiny guy at the bar sadly sipping his drink, but saving money because it costs my petite ass less money to get drunk.

How to lose a [conservative] client in one easy step

I have a wealthy, conservative client that sends conservative email forwards to folks in her address book. I'm in her address book. Usually I read them in the same way I now watch Fox News for a few minutes once a week - to see what the other side thinks and to make sure my liberal ass isn't being intellectually complacent.

Today's email crossed the line. She asked what I thought. I responded. The forward (excluding the other comments of how insightful the email was from other forwarders) --

Take the three minutes to read this. Maybe he is wrong. What if he is right?
David Kaiser is a respected historian whose published works have covered a broad
range of topics, from European Warfare to American League Baseball. Born in
1947, the son of a diplomat, Kaiser spent his childhood in three capital cities:
Washington D.C. , Albany , New York , and Dakar , Senegal .. He attended Harvard
University , graduating there in 1969 with a B.A. in history. He then spent
several years more at Harvard, gaining a PhD in history, which he obtained in
1976. He served in the Army Reserve from 1970 to 1976.
He is a professor in
the Strategy and Policy Department of the United States Naval War College . He
has previously taught at Carnegie Mellon, Williams College and Harvard
University . Kaiser's latest book, The Road to Dallas, about the Kennedy
assassination, was just published by Harvard University Press.
Dr. David
KaiserHistory Unfolding
I am a student of history. Professionally, I have
written 15 books on history that have been published in six languages, and I
have studied history all my life. I have come to think there is something
monumentally large afoot, and I do not believe it is simply a banking crisis, or
a mortgage crisis, or a credit crisis. Yes these exist, but they are merely
single facets on a very large gemstone that is only now coming into a sharper
focus.
Something of historic proportions is happening. I can sense it because
I know how it feels, smells, what it looks like, and how people react to it.
Yes, a perfect storm may be brewing, but there is something happening within our
country that has been evolving for about ten to fifteen years. The pace has
dramatically quickened in the past two.
We demand and then codify into law
the requirement that our banks make massive loans to people we know they can
never pay back? Why?
We learned just days ago that the Federal Reserve, which
has little or no real oversight by anyone, has "loaned" two trillion dollars
(that is $2,000,000,000,000) over the past few months, but will not tell us to
whom or why or disclose the terms. That is our money. Yours and mine. And that
is three times the $700 billion we all argued about so strenuously just this
past September. Who has this money? Why do they have it? Why are the terms
unavailable to us? Who asked for it? Who authorized it? I thought this was a
government of "we the people," who loaned our powers to our elected leaders.
Apparently not.
We have spent two or more decades intentionally
de-industrializing our economy.. Why?
We have intentionally dumbed down our
schools, ignored our history, and no longer teach our founding documents, why we
are exceptional, and why we are worth preserving. Students by and large cannot
write, think critically, read, or articulate. Parents are not revolting,
teachers are not picketing, school boards continue to back mediocrity.
Why?
We have now established the precedent of protesting every close election
(violently in California over a proposition that is so controversial that it
simply wants marriage to remain defined as between one man and one woman. Did
you ever think such a thing possible just a decade ago?) We have corrupted our
sacred political process by allowing unelected judges to write laws that
radically change our way of life, and then mainstream Marxist groups like ACORN
and others to turn our voting system into a banana republic. To what
purpose?
Now our mortgage industry is collapsing, housing prices are in free
fall, major industries are failing, our banking system is on the verge of
collapse, social security is nearly bankrupt, as is Medicare and our entire
government. Our education system is worse than a joke (I teach college and I
know precisely what I am talking about) - the list is staggering in its length,
breadth, and depth.. It is potentially 1929 x ten...And we are at war with
an enemy we cannot even name for fear of offending people of the same religion,
who, in turn, cannot wait to slit the throats of your children if they have the
opportunity to do so.
And finally, we have elected a man that no one really
knows anything about, who has never run so much as a Dairy Queen, let alone a
town as big as Wasilla , Alaska . All of his associations and alliances are with
real radicals in their chosen fields of employment, and everything we learn
about him, drip by drip, is unsettling if not downright scary (Surely you have
heard him speak about his idea to create and fund a mandatory civilian defense
force stronger than our military for use inside our borders? No? Oh, of course.
The media would never play that for you over and over and then demand he answer
it. Sarah Palin's pregnant daughter and $150,000 wardrobe are more
important.)
Mr. Obama's winning platform can be boiled down to one word:
Change. Why?
I have never been so afraid for my country and for my children
as I am now.
This man campaigned on bringing people together, something he
has never, ever done in his professional life. In my assessment, Obama will
divide us along philosophical lines, push us apart, and then try to realign the
pieces into a new and different power structure. Change is indeed coming. And
when it comes, you will never see the same nation again.
And that is only the
beginning..
As a serious student of history, I thought I would never come to
experience what the ordinary, moral German must have felt in the mid-1930s In
those times, the "savior" was a former smooth-talking rabble-rouser from the
streets, about whom the average German knew next to nothing. What they should
have known was that he was associated with groups that shouted, shoved, and
pushed around people with whom they disagreed; he edged his way onto the
political stage through great oratory. Conservative "losers" read it right
now.
And there were the promises. Economic times were tough, people were
losing jobs, and he was a great speaker. And he smiled and frowned and waved a
lot. And people, even newspapers, were afraid to speak out for fear that his
"brown shirts" would bully and beat them into submission. Which they did -
regularly. And then, he was duly elected to office, while a full-throttled
economic crisis bloomed at hand - the Great Depression. Slowly, but surely he
seized the controls of government power, person by person, department by
department, bureaucracy by bureaucracy. The children of German citizens were at
first, encouraged to join a Youth Movement in his name where they were taught
exactly what to think. Later, they were required to do so. No Jews of
course,
How did he get people on his side? He did it by promising jobs
to the jobless, money to the money-less, and rewards for the military-industrial
complex. He did it by indoctrinating the children, advocating gun control,
health care for all, better wages, better jobs, and promising to re-instill
pride once again in the country, across Europe , and across the world. He did it
with a compliant media - did you know that? And he did this all in the name of
justice and .... . .. change. And the people surely got what they voted
for.
If you think I am exaggerating, look it up. It's all there in the
history books.
So read your history books. Many people of conscience objected
in 1933 and were shouted down, called names, laughed at, and ridiculed. When
Winston Churchill pointed out the obvious in the late 1930s while seated in the
House of Lords in England (he was not yet Prime Minister), he was booed into his
seat and called a crazy troublemaker. He was right, though. And the world came
to regret that he was not listened to.
Do not forget that Germany was the
most educated, the most cultured country in Europe . It was full of music, art,
museums, hospitals, laboratories, and universities. And yet, in less than six
years (a shorter time span than just two terms of the U. S. presidency) it was
rounding up its own citizens, killing others, abrogating its laws, turning
children against parents, and neighbors against neighbors.. All with the best of
intentions, of course. The road to Hell is paved with them.
As a practical
thinker, one not overly prone to emotional decisions, I have a choice: I can
either believe what the objective pieces of evidence tell me (even if they make
me cringe with disgust); I can believe what history is shouting to me from
across the chasm of seven decades; or I can hope I am wrong by closing my eyes,
having another latte, and ignoring what is transpiring around me..
I choose
to believe the evidence. No doubt some people will scoff at me, others laugh, or
think I am foolish, naive, or both. To some degree, perhaps I am. But I have
never been afraid to look people in the eye and tell them exactly what I
believe-and why I believe it.
I pray I am wrong. I do not think I am. Perhaps
the only hope is our vote in the next elections.
David
Kaiser Jamestown , Rhode IslandUnited
States I HOPE THIS IF NOTHING ELSE GETS YOU TO THINKING
ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW AND WHAT MAY LAY AHEAD? IF IT CAUSES THE SLIGHTEST
BIT OF CONCERN, PASS IT ON TO OTHERS TO READ AND REPOST IT BEFORE THERE IS
NOTHING LEFT FOR US TO DO. IF YOU ARE ASKED TO TURN IN YOUR GUNS IN THE NEAR
FUTURE, WHAT YOU HAVE JUST READ IS COMING TRUE.

And my response.
---
My opinions on this --

First, I was completely floored that a published Historian with ties to some of our best universities could ever write something like this. I was happy to find out that Kaiser, of course, did NOT write this at all. In fact, he wrote --

"The first two sentences, beginning, "For the past thirty years," were of course written by me; the rest of the email was not written by me. Its views are in many ways the opposite of my own. It is apparently some sort of conservative disinformation campaign, quite possibly the work of a single individual, designed to muddy the political waters by falsely attributing views to others. I obviously regret the deception."http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/proportions.asp

This email is also sometimes attributed to Dr. Tim Wood of Southern Baptist University. He also distanced himself immediately and wrote -

"I would be lying if I said I was not upset. Even above and beyond the fact that the comparison is utterly ridiculous (anyone who believes that truly has no understanding of the depths of evil plumbed by the Nazi regime)..."A good read - http://sbuschollian.blogspot.com/2009/03/historian-deals-with-online-identity.html

Second, are my opinions on this email -
So much of it is inaccurate. Our economy is being de-industrialized because multi-national corporations can find cheaper labor elsewhere. Schools are not being dumbed down (though No Child Left Behind is an educational nightmare and doesn't promote thinking, creativity, and freedom), founding documents are still being taught (American History - 4th Grade), and students can still read and write.

Our economy is in serious trouble, but has shown signs of stabilizing and is in no way 1929 x 10. We can name our enemy, and his name is Osama Bin Laden, but most Muslims do not want to slit our throats given the opportunity.

Nothing about our President is scary (even if you find some of his views scary). And yes, this country wanted a Change.

But equating our President with Adolph Hitler is, to put it mildly, crossing the line. No one is afraid to speak out against our President. Dozens, if not hundreds of TV and radio personalities do it daily. There was just a demonstration in Washington where thousands of people expressed their displeasure. Loudly. Compare that to Hitler and the Nazis who organized the systematic murder and torture of around 17 million people, some of which disagreed with him politically (Communists), religiously (Jews, Catholic clergy), ethnically (Poles, Serbs), socially (homosexuals, the handicapped) or militarily (POWs).

If this is a veiled outcry about the health care debate and government spending, this is an odd parallel to draw. If anyone can be accused of taking away freedoms, it was via the last administration's Patriot Act, its violation of the Geneva Convention, and invading other countries without the support of the international community would come closer. Still, Dick Cheney on his worst day does not begin to approach the evils of Hitler and the Nazis.

I am happy to have a civil debate about our country's policies. I understand the philosophical debate between conservatives and liberals. Conservatives (with a Libertarian slant) tend to view government as inherently inefficient and usually unnecessary and meddlesome in a market-driven economy. As someone who is more liberal, I do think at times the government needs to step in for the sake of society and social welfare. I think it was a good idea for the government to socialize the fire departments 150 years ago. I think the government does a better job than the independent fire fighting companies of the 19th century. I have no problem with government sometimes regulating business, such as establishing a minimum wage, outlawing child labor, or passing laws to protect our environment. It is my opinion that sometimes the free market fails to consider society's needs as a whole. I think over the past few decades, it has become clear that we need to regulate the health industry as well.

I'm not the only one who thinks this way.

If you don't trust Obama, trust the doctors of this country. The AMA supports health care reform. It is on their front page -- http://www.ama-assn.org/
If you don't trust our doctors, trust our nurses. The ANA supports Obama's drive for reform on their front page as well - http://www.nursingworld.org/
If you are a senior, read the AARP's page on myths about health care reform - http://bulletin.aarp.org/yourhealth/policy/articles/health_care_reform2.html

Also worth nothing is that every single industrialized nation on the planet offers universal health care except the United States.

If you are worried about the federal budget, so am I, but we need to control health care costs. I would also like to know why the fiscal conservatives of our country weren't shouting during the Iraq war, which has cost our country almost one trillion dollars to date (the same as the projected cost of health care over ten years), or when tax cuts were issued when we were running record deficits. The biggest increase of the National Debt in our history occurred during the last administration, from $5.73 trillion to $10.7 trillion, and our current recession hasn't helped the situation.

The most important point for me is that wherever any one of us stands on these issues, promoting intellectual dishonesty, hatred, and fear is not a policy or a solution and adds nothing to the debate. I'd like to think that we can all calm down and engage in a discussion without calling the other side Nazis, Soviets, Marxists, or whatever else the far-right or far-left fanatics are shouting about this week for ratings.

This country can be better than that. Sorry for the length of this email,
Me
---

Maybe I could have used better wordiage, maybe I could have kept my themes clearer, but c'mon. C'mmaaaaaan. Hitler, people? Watch what you say (or forward) around this Jewboy.

Skinny Bitch

A Quackenfriend gave JLQ "Skinny Bitch." She is reading/scanning it casually out of curiosity, but certainly not taking it to heart. I scanned a few of its pages and not surprisingly took it to heart. It hit one of my pet peeves about the world - bad "science" and terrible research.

I'll just post my rambling email I sent to her this morning. I thought it was a good idea to write this email instead of, say, "getting ready for work" and "making sure I'd be on time." Priorities, people, all about priorities.

--
Re: Skinny Bitch

Are you effing kidding me? This is poor science. Maybe the rest of the book is better, and the chapter I read in the beginning seemed very good, but the meat eating thing reeks of poor science - having a conclusion, then hunting around for evidence to support it. I haven't taken an anthro class in a decade and can tell this section is rubbish.

The Atkins diet is moronic. Obviously. "If you study animals in the wild, you will note that they do not rely on anything other than their natural hunting ability, speed, strength, claws, teeth, and jaws." Then the girls go on to describe how physically frail we are. And that we'd get our ass kicked if we tried to hunt with our bare hands. That we would be helpless without silverware or an oven.

What? There are so many things wrong with these three pages it is unbelievable. It seems that the girls have forgotten that controlling our environment through intelligence and tool use can change our evolutionary trajectory. It seems they have forgotten that there are things called "scavengers" that can also eat meat. They seem to have forgotten about half of our teeth, designed for ripping and tearing. They must have forgotten that before using ovens, humans domesticated fire...i dunno...two MILLION years ago.

"Even if this were the case and eating meat did help us evolve, look at what we evolved from. We looked like friggin' apes and had massive heads, strong jaws, and brute strength. Maybe back then we were supposed to eat meat."

Really? Seriously? Did they watch 1,000,000 BC for their evolutionary research? We looked like apes because of our common ancestor. True. But these big cave dudes that we evolved from were...smaller than us. Every Australopithecine was smaller than us. Homo habilis, Homo erectus, and I'm sure the half dozen other early Homo species were *all* smaller than us. What was a reason they had huge heads and jaws? We had bigass teeth to grind tough plant material. When we domesticated fire and could begin breaking down plant and animal products into more easily digestible substances our teeth and skulls began to get smaller.

"But the last time we checked, we aren't cavemen anymore."

I'm pretty sure they think early humans meant Neanderthals. Big dudes with clubs, eating a mammoth a day. Last I checked, Neanderthals were evolutionary dead ends.

It is apparent they are discounting or not aware of the last two million years of human evolution. They go on to talk about our digestive tract, our saliva, comparing it to carnivores. Maybe it differs because we are OMNIvores. Maybe it differs because unlike every other carnivore, we tend not to eat raw meat, and haven't for a long, long time.

Want to get preachy about factory farming? No problem. Want to talk about fad diets being dumb? Good, they are. Want to try to help girls eat sensibly? Fantastic. But read this book with a grain of salt (which I know you already are). The fact that my passing knowledge of human evolution can completely rip apart these three pages of text makes me think that if I had passing knowledge of some other topics in this book, they, too may not hold up to scrutiny. Books like these that sound like science can be as bad as the fad diets and myths they are trying to debunk, and there is no reason more research wasn't done to avoid that.
--
See, this pisses me off in the same way intelligent design pisses me off. It is worse than Creationism, because it wears a veneer of science while possessing none of its rigors and operates in the wrong direction (conclusion first). Boo, I say. Boo.

Sample Sizes

I've got irrefutable, scientifically sound evidence that people in New York are nicer than people in Philly.

A couple of weekends ago, I met a few of my friends (Ian and his girl Kim, Chandra and her girl Tavara) in Philadelphia to have a touristy weekend. We stayed at Elizabeth and Greg(g?)'s place, which are a few of the Quackenfriends with their two dogs, two cats, one newborn, and one 2.5 year old. Good mammals and a real credit to their species, all of them (except maybe that temperamental basement cat).

I had been listening to the JLQ iPod a bit on the train ride down and stashed it in the front packet of my trusty AMEX duffel bag before exiting the SEPTA R7 train in Philly. When we got to the Quackenfriend's place, I didn't see the iPod. The only possible explanations were that the iPod was stolen from my bag or that it fell out somehow and some guy in a Chase Utley jersey saw this happen, picked it up, began cackling, and scurried off to his 3-bedroom house in the suburbs. These are the only things that could have happened.


Contrast that to my experiences this month in NYC.

A few weeks ago, during an especially hot day, I was rushing to an appointment off 1st Avenue on the Upper East Side. A few seconds after I got to the building, two tweens rush in after me and inform me that I had dropped my cell phone. I thanked them a few times and headed up the elevator to my appointment, thinking that I should have given them ten bucks or something for being such rad girls.

Last week, during a somewhat hot day, I was rushing to an appointment off Lexington Avenue on the Upper East Side. I walked out of the 6-train stop at 96th street, listening to my iPod and generally oblivious to the world. I saw a woman in front of me stop and look back over her shoulder down the subway stairs. Since it was 9:15am and I had just taken four trains and was late to my appointment, my first thought was, "MOVE, YOU RETARDED IDIOT SHITFUCK! I AM LATE AND I HATE THE MORNINGS AND RUSH HOUR AND YOUR FACE!" A fraction of a second later, I figure I may want to look at what's going on and maybe step out of my grumpy morning zone for a second. Turns out a 30-something year-old guy was trying to tell me I had dropped my cell phone from my pocket and that maybe I should take it from him. I thanked him a few times and walked to my appointment, thinking that it was ok that I didn't give him ten bucks or something for being such a rad guy.


My conclusion? That I shouldn't drop my phone so much? No. That I shouldn't go to the Upper East Side anymore because every time I lose my phone I'm there? No, that's not the point.

The correct conclusion is that 100% of the time when I lose one of my electronics in NYC, someone makes damn sure I get it back. And 100% of the time when I lose portable electronics in Philly, a guy in a Chase Utley jersey steals it, then sells it to buy mediocre cheese steaks at Pat's and Gino's.

All hail the camera phone!

I like my little phone. It has a touch-screen, a keyboard, it is small, it usually works, it cost me less than a hundred bucks. It has a pretty bad camera. I'm not going to carry a real camera around with me, so most of the pictures I'm going to take in 2008 are going to be horrible.

I've also mentioned to to fellow blogger Gordon that personal blogs seem to have different purposes. I envisioned this thing being one-third diary, one-third keep-in-touch-with-friends-that-don't-live-so-close-no-more, and one-third things that I think are deep/cool/observations that other people have noticed for along time but I just realized and now I think I'm special and clever.

This entry is going to be mostly diary, unless other people enjoy blurry pictures of things I've seen without much in the way of context, explanation, or conclusions.

Let's get to the pics -

Care Bears on Fire were fun.



The 19-piece Jersey-Metal band later in the night at Otto's Shrunken Head was fun.



The last band at Otto's was surprisingly good and even had a few fans.



The Loved Ones, who opened before the Hold Steady, rocked the shit out of the crowd during a insane storm.




The Hold Steady did not disappoint, and it was nice to be in the first two rows of people the entire show.


And oddly enough for the area (Williamsburg/Greenpoint) the crowd was really good.




Frightened Rabbit (below) and Oxford Collective at Southpaw were both fun.


Live music is fun.
Unfortunately, I probably won't go to one of the best free NY concerts, the Siren festival, this weekend because God is going to make it really hot again this year and my jerkface friend Stefan is having his awesome, shitty birthday party that night.

They're really scottish

The drummer played the drums really hard and loud.

A good opening band.

One too many drinks.

A nice walk home in perfect weather from a show in my neighborhood.

Some Goose. A touch of the pipeweed.

A good client to pay the bills.

No time to pick up laundry, get a haircut, or clean the apartment.

How lucky am I?

(Anya and Jerf missed a show)

When it rains

After two weeks of not being busy with work, I'm getting slammed this week. Slammed is better.

Leave it to Pixar to teach us about humanity through robots (or rats, or toys, or monsters...).

The Wire is a great show. Everyone who said so is right.

Surprisingly good opening bands are fun. The AOK Collective is a Brooklyn-based hip hop group that played before Care Bears on Fire at the CitySol festival on 23rd at the East River. They were good. Five dudes or so, coupla gals, good voices, good fun. Care Bears is better than a novelty act but not as good as a good band. They're probably better than a third of the bands that gig around the city on any given night, and they're like 12. So good job there.

There's a 500 square foot beach near 21st street and the East River. Rocks, sand, seaweed, and everything. I really fucking liked that beach. I liked the idea that there were beaches all around Manhattan before we, as the Syreen from Star Control 2 said, "paved over it (earth) in concrete and plastic." Well put, Talana. Oh, and random bands playing loudly at Otto's Shrunken Head can be a helluva lot of fun. Especially with a Tiki drink. And a Kazoo. And a free CD. And a little pin. Recommended.

Coz see, I knew the Hold Steady would be great, and they were. High expectations met. Good crowd, tons of people, tons of space, and a beer for sale that I liked. The added bonus was that one of the opening bands, The Loved Ones, were really fun as well. It happened to be abso-fucking-lutely pouring when they were playing their set, which either added or detracted from the show, depending on how much you like somewhat annoying communal bonding experiences. Me, I like em.

And that right there is why I like the summer more than the winter. I get the cozy winter thing. I get the warm foods, the idea that you can always put more clothing on to get warm, but can't do shit when it is real hot out. The difference for me is that the mildly annoying weather in both seasons is treated differently. In the summer, there are concerts and outdoor movies and shows and funky art things (waterfalls, telectroscope), and chilling in gardens, and eating outside with people, and going out to ballgames, and a million other outdoor social things going on. The weather may suck, but it is a much more social season, a more fun season for me, than winter. The winter feels more solitary to me. I dig it in December, but can't stand it by the end of February. But props to all seasons - not a lot of days beat First Skirt Day in the Sprint and the crispness and pertyness of the Autumn is sweet. New York wouldn't be excited about any season without the previous season to set it up. Good job, seasons.