See, I already knew that every inch of a person's height corresponds to around $789 of additional earning per year. Controlled for gender, weight, and age, on average, a 6-foot tall dude makes $5,525 more annually than someone that's my height (5'6"). Fine. I get it. There aren't really any short Presidents anymore, either.
Now? Now I found out that tall people are, on average, happier than petite people. And have higher levels of education. The researchers even checked for different demographics and ethnic divisions, but naw, it's height.
Well, eff all y'all. While it is clearly true that I'm poor and miserable, I can easily grab that middle seat on the F train and fly coach without sucking on my kneecaps. So suck it, tall dudes. If you all look down, I'll be the tiny guy at the bar sadly sipping his drink, but saving money because it costs my petite ass less money to get drunk.
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